stressful 2008

2008! new year brand new start. that can be mean im getting older. lolx. time flies darn fast just an eye blink.
2008 is a very challenging year for me. what's that mean? challenges = pressure+stress.
im 17 a few months later. finally. i gotta face lotsa exams and spm! gotta make lotsa choices on which way im going for my better future. i gonna graduate soon. it may be my last year serving in youth. that's sumthing very sad for me though i feel uncomfortable sumtimes with sumone for what they had done to me.
anyway.
since 1st Jan 2008, i feel very stress and pressure in almost every areas. i felt that everything and everyone going against me. whatever decision i made, there must sumone or sumthing trying to stop me or disagree with me. i feel insecure in all this. and that, i start doubting and getting hot temper and frustrating. i may hurt some peoples but this is not what i desire to do. i just can't control myself. hope im not psychopathy(again =.="). i don't work well under pressure. so if u're reading this and u know it u should know what to do. u know who u are well.. erm.. what im trying to say is that i need some of "me" time i need some spaces for myself. i don't hope anyone comes interrupting it. after all i think(hope) should be better.
im now looking forward to tuition. hope that going through some tuitions able to help me up abit in my studies and that i able to catch up. i gonna pray hard ask God takes away all my laziness so that i will be more hardworking and wisdom to understand what my teacher had taught me. i just hand over everything to Him for Him to lead me through. He has a wonderful plan for me.
i also face some challenges from some leaders. study well and serve well. but leaders, don't ever try to compare me with others. everyone has their limitation. i hope they can be more understandable.
erm.. i dunno how to continue it.. im depressed..
my tears can't stop flowing out from my eyes. whatever i say, is nothing i said. i do try to spare my thoughts with them but it doesn't works. the feedback is that im rebellious.. im throwing emotions.. i should check my spirit. what are they trying to say " i forgive and forget. hope u know u're wrong and do better next time " ahem*

i talk to him just now.. he's actually very understandable most the time. i respect him. i listen to him. but this time he don't get my point. worse thing is that he got the wrong point. i did not mean what he said. anyway, he misunderstood me. i have no words to continue with him. i will do what he asked. but i really hope he'll understand from my side or our side. yeah, will think we are all imperfect sheeps. im not demanding anything from her.. sumtimes not only the sheep is wrong, shepherd can be wrong toO.
hopeless at the moment. that's the different between leader and member. leaders always support leader. members support both side. i just hope everything will goes better. i know ur goods why u are doing all so, but not just focus on it, but care bout others feeling would be even better.
time loosening up abit. i might go insane by then.

oh Lord, i pray that You'll send sumone who can really listen to me and understand me better. im really stress right at the moment and i hope to find a right person to talk to. this is sumthing serious. and Lord i pray that You'll give me a peaceful heart and a clear mind so that i won't think that much. i know im getting insane now. also Lord i wanna pray that my leaders will know me better and care bout how i feel. i find out a difficulty talking to them and spare a thoughts with them. Lord i pray that they able to understand me well and not giving me so much of pressure. Lord, take my pressures away so that i can have a better life to continue study better. Lord, i really need sumone for me to talks to, to release my stress. Lord, gimme a happy heart so im not frustrating anymore. Lord, i know You're listening to me. i need You now Lord. Lord, help me and lead me for i know Your always wonderful. Lord, im waiting for Your answer..